Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
