he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Even my vagina gasped.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
