Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize