i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
