I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
