Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
