i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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