hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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