Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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