glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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