Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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