My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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