Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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