Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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