I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
