Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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