hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
