I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
