I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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