I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize