You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
