well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
