Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
