I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize