um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
