And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
