Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
