My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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