I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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