a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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