A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
