Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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