I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
