Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
