This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
