what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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