my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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