tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize