just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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