Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
