Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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