help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is Oprah even human
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
