id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
