First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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