She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
