Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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