I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
