I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
