Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
