That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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