you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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