the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I understand Curling. That high.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
