If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
