Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
