just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
