She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A bitchslap is in order.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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