So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
