my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
