oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
