Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
