the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
