I must be too annoying 4 u.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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