This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your penis caused this!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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