I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
