Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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