I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
