Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
