I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize