he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
