tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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