So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
