i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
