I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
