she was so not down for the gang bang
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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