the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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