Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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