I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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