she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
