I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize