I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
