It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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