went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
