Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was like eating out sand paper
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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