He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
