His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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