I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
