Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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