When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
