So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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