Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
