my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
