do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
