After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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