Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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