i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
