I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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