does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
