no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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