I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
