It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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