Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
