I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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