you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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