I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
