found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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