I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
