Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
