There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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