i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it glows. i had to have it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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