You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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