p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
