# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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