and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
