I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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