All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I sprained my soul last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
