It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
