Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
