i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Houston, we have a blender
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
