so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize