Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
