i was born a porn star she said
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
