please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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