I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
