The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
