my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
