Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
