So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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