It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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