Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
