If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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