nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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