How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
