she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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