Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
