my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
