He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
