Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
