THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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