She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
